To: My sweetheart with love
( And he doesn noe my blog -.-")




Its been about 3 weeks since i went steady with him. Initially i was really scared. Would he be just another guy that didnt say what he meant? Words are so superficial arent they? Would the words he said be in the spur of a moment?

Truth to say i did have a good impression of him when we first met. Well maybe thats an understatement. If i had to write a report our first meeting, probobaly he would have gotton an A+.
But when he asked me, i hadn't liked him quite that way yet. Yet something told me i didnt want to let him go.I guess the stakes were too high? Maybe its also being selfish. IDK. So against logic i decided to follow my heart. I thought the risk was worth it at that point of time.

These 3 weeks had been a struggle. Lifes a struggle isn't it sweetheart?(: [ Thats what he likes to say] For the past 3 weeks i was contemplating, thinking, asking myself many questions. Suddenly i wasn't single[ well i had been for about the past 2 years plus of my life], and it felt kinda weird , like when i was chatting with people who once liked me or people i sensed had liked me. Wadever...

A relationship is a commitment and i didn't noe how to respond when someoe said i still miss u.I mean if u were single you could say something like :Ya lo. I think maybe i missed u a bit a bit lo. But.. Well you missed ur chance.I noe i'm bad but thats just the way it is-.-" Anyway , there was a necessity to draw a line , not just to simplify matters but also to consider his feelings. But most importantly, i was thinking i didn't want to hurt him in anyway. Especially not with my words or actions, inaction or fickle mindedness. He was never in a relationship before i didn want to hurt someone like that. Like spoil their first time or whatever.

On the second week of our relationship i met him for a movie and he held my hand throughout the movie. Truth to say, it wasn' uncomfortable, in fact it was a cozy feeling. Theres this difference between lust and love. And if u're a girl u wud noe wad i mean. But anyway, me being me i mean logically speaking i still couldnt be sure. Lifes a struggle when you dun dare to face your feelings and try go by logic and scientific proof when love doesn work that way. Anyway that day he kissed me on the lips. It came as a shock. I wasnt expecting it-.-"

But i liked it anyway. And he likes to ask me," Xi huan ma?" The answers pretty simple. But its a bit hard to face at that time. And i always annoy him a little by saying" Ni Shuo Ne?" But i also know he needs assurance. I think thats pretty cute but i nv told him about it.HAHA.

All this while he has been taking care of my interests. He sends me home, carries my stuff, teaches me MA and AFA, nags at me to sleep early and do my tutorials, sends me morning and night messages, calls me, gives me my personal space , is not stingy when he brings me out, brings me barely and herbal tea ( i have 2 boxes of chicken essence from Eu Yan San) which he bought when he first came to my house.

He notices my eating habits and does give me his share of food when he thinks i dun have enough. [ I just have to write this down] respects what i say and gives in to me most of time yet he has his own opinion. All this made me like him a lot.

But it was the long conversations, messages and my sister's runaway from home episode that made me really start to feel different. We talked a lot of what was important to us. About many issues i considered important and we were both frank about it and he was always senstitve to my feelings. I could see his effort in trying to find out what i liked and i felt he puts me somwhere in the ranks of in his top priority. He asks me if i need time with my friends and he wudn mind not meeting if i wanted to take a break. But he makes it a point to spend his weekends with me.

He was with me when my sister called to say she was running away from home. I thought it was a much needed support at that time. Underneath the table. ( cux my sister was around)

Side track a while[ Theres this annoying guy who says: U nv reply my message and email cux u scared ppl say u 2 timer ah HE CAN JUST GO AND DIE. CUX I NV REPLY HIM DUE TO THE FACT HES SO ANNOYING!! with all his nonsense about u finally found ur love ah. later than predicted. DID I ASK U TO PREDICT FOR ME annoying ARGHH anyway.];/

But anyway he always say he feels holding hands is a sign of affirmation. I suppose i felt it. Due to the fact that my hands are always cold he usually claspe them together and rubs my hands or just hold them tightly. ( he says so that he can keep my palms warm) . That night he offered to spend the night with my sister and me at MAc Cafe if my sister was insistent on not going home. We tried to talk my sister into going home but to no avail Eventually my dad came to bring my sister home and he said he was going to fly home. Independent person But still. HAHA. Anyway, my dad gave him a lift home. LAter he confessed that it was more of wanting t spend thenight with me than to ensure my sisters safety( not that it wasn a consideration) HAHA. i thought that was cute but i didn tell him either.

But hes ever sensitive to my moods and feelings. He bought Godiva Chocolates to cheer me up. Cux he says chocolate makes you happy. Last night he called me and we talked to 6 am in the morning. Guess that was the point i undersood more of where he came from. I felt very loved and also because i managed to tell him al my fears and worries and to get his understanding and affirmation of love and effort. It was then that i was really comfortable with him and i finally faced up to what i felt.

真是的。我居然爱上了他。But it was a really nice feeling. i was more able to express how i felt but i haven been able to say it in person. Someday when u read this sweetheart den you'll noe why u're such a distraction and of cux everythings ur fault. HAHAHA! KIDDING.